Demons OUT!

So here is a little factoid: Its called Post-Lactation Depression. Or, as I like to think of it, The Hormonal Roller-coaster from Hell. The last time I was this nuts, I'm pretty sure I was on hormone-birth control and Jared lovingly dubbed me "Dragon Lady".

I do feel assured knowing that this won't last, and that they day will come when I don't feel wicked cranky, crabby, angry, sad, weepy, overwhelmed and all out enraged. Its gotta happen. I have been seeing my acupuncturist again, which has really helped. However--with my schedule, I can't go as often as my hormone-crazed self needs... I need an acupuncturist that makes house calls!

One thing that I never understood in having a child is that I would have to experience hormonal insanity for close to three years. Since becoming pregnant, I have had no clue when or how bad my hormonal surges might occur. For example, the day of my birthday was spent weeping uncontrollably. Just last week I brought Lev to a pumpkin patch, an activity which I thought might be totally adoreable. Instead, picture this: Me, stomping around a pumpkin patch, Lev with no pants on (as he had fallen in a mud puddle) calling out to me to carry him as he had trouble navigating the squishy and pumpkin-filled terrain, and then both of us, mad at each other because 1.) Lev didn't want to ride in a wagon and 2.) I didn't want to carry him and two pumpkins back to the car. Idyllic fall-time afternoon spent mud covered and in a hormonal haze--neither of us really felt all that festive by the end.

I know its gotta end eventually...but the thing with hormones is that you literally feel out of control when they are wrecking havoc on your system. My friend Molly describes the way PMS feels when it comes on--She can feel this cold hormone drip enveloping her brain and spreading all the way down her limbs...and then the madness starts. I keep thinking there must be a better way to get a handle on this. Instead, I'm at the mercy of my endocrine system.

I googled post-weaning depression/moodswings/whatever and found that there are other moms experiencing the same thing as me. Yes, this does reassure me, but it also makes me wonder... if we're all going nuts, then what is this doing to the rest of humanity? Shouldn't we be sent into the wilderness until this stage passes? I know my family doesn't enjoy being around me when I'm on a hormone-bender. I know that my mood swings are really hard on Jared and make him feel like a maniac too. How can you love someone who is snarling and growling one minute, and weeping and pathetically telling you "its all your fault" the next? I understand now why so many marriages don't make it past the first few years ... This is hard stuff. We aren't on our best behavior for our spouses. In fact, sometimes we're on our worst behavior on purpose!

Sigh. Come rescue me. Bring a witch doctor. We gotta get these demons out.