Many things have happened since my last blog post and for the better. Sure, the angst comes and goes, but the direction has become much clearer--ha, ha!

I've finished a training to start doing placenta encapsulation the fancy way, as opposed to my back-alley way and now have neon-pink business cards that have my name Placenta Encapsulation Specialist printed on them. Oh! and Placenta Power!-->which is my new catch phrase/slogan/battle cry. More details about this to come!

Also, in addition to doing illustration, I've also become a co-editor for hipMama--this is pretty amazing. The next issue is coming out soon! Just another week or so... Our next issue is about secrets, the following is on the body, then faith, education and home. If you feel inspired to submit--->submissions@hipmamazine.com.

Things on the baby front are going well--Lev is a full fledged toddler--breaking things, eating pennies (hasn't swallowed one yet!), trying to escape through the front door, climbing stairs, dancing, making out words...We are lucky enough to have a good friend living with us, in addition to my sister, so I'm on my way to actually having a little more personal time and space away from my boy. The next catastrophe will likely be weaning...an event that I'm not planning, but anticipating. I have a lot of mixed feelings about weaning--I planned on waiting until Lev was at least two before even thinking about attempting to cut him off. But then I start imagining a world where Lev doesn't whine to nurse, where he doesn't try to tear open my shirts, where he doesn't grab at my nipples like they were mashed banana...

Its a really hard call. I found myself in awe of our hipMama lawyer, whose son is two weeks younger then Lev--she weaned him, laughingly called herself "the bad mama" and, smiling, went back to looking over our LLC documents. Another of the hipmamas and I were nursing our children at the time and I felt our shared sensation of being duped. At the same time, I know that there are countless benefits to continuing to nurse Lev--and I still love nursing him. However, I am really aware that I need to start making some boundaries with nursing him. I have been attempting to cut off night nursing (to no avail) and I want to start restricting where and when I nurse him. I am going back to the beginning lessons of breastfeeding: this is a relationship that has to work for both of us or it won't be successful. That means, if I don't want to nurse him, I don't have to. That means, he is going to cry more and ask for it and I'll have to find new ways to comfort him, to distract him. Its not easy (he approaches me as I'm writing this, asking for, guess what?). I want to talk to some other moms about their tactics--I think it might include just having more snacks available to him--enter the hotdog!

Its amazing how much things can change--from my idealistic beginnings of attachment parenting, to my here, just eat this finger-food distractions. I know that this is a natural course, and that while Lev was really little I was doing the best I knew how for him. And he is older now--I don't feel guilty for not giving him the same kinds of attentions as I did when he was an infant; I don't feel guilty for not making the same kinds of personal sacrifices. I'm noticing that I need to pay attention to what other parents are doing; perhaps toys that make noise aren't necessarily from the dark side.

We really are doing great, though. A wonderful holiday in Costa Rica to visit Jared's family was just what we needed to gain some perspective, rest, rejoice and to experience some amazing waves. This is a photo of Lev and I at the lake near the Arenal Volcano--little did we realize that the reason why no one else tends to swim here is that it is home to the Cayman crocodile...or is it an alligator...
More info on placenta encapsulation to come. I have lots to share and will post about the birthing class I'm attending this evening, where I will be talking about the benefits of placenta to postpartum recovery. Did I mention that I feel like a shaman...?